Thursday, September 21, 2006
Guilt and other negative emotions
Reading Romy's blog has got me thinking. Her latest post is all about guilt and the things she feels guilty for. I've been sitting here trying to think when I feel guilty. I have to admit, I don't feel guilty much any more. Some of the things I do feel guilty about are sleeping in so much, not eating well, hurting people I love... and that's about all I can think of right now. I have to admit, I'm not as hard on myself as I used to be. In the last few years I've come to accept myself more. Growing up being really skinny was absolute hell. Sometimes I really hate it when people are down on skinny people. Everybody has problems, not just fat people. I used to be called anorexic, hated my body, had trouble finding clothes to fit, and so on. Puberty was hell, having no chest to speak of, always wanting to be a little bit curvier. I guess the point is, no matter whether you're fat, thin, black, white, Asian, pink, gay or straight, kids will find something to pick on. These flaws can follow you into your adult life, and sometimes you may never let go of them. (Stick with me, we're getting out of the pity and into the good part!). I have recently come to accept myself more, mostly on a physical level. I still occassionally think I'm too skinny, and I'd love to have cleavage of any description, but mostly I don't care. This is me now. I think this acceptance has started to show through in my lifestyle too. I'm doing a lot of dance-based activities (belly dancing, latin dancing, and pole dancing), just enjoying being in my skin and the movement my body can offer. So there we are, a happy ending. I no longer push myself to be something I'm not, I just enjoy being me, flaws and all.